Forgiveness: How to...?

'Letting go' is virtually synonymous with forgiveness. If you google "how to forgive", countless articles tell you that you need to let go of anger, bitterness, and resentment. But clear instructions on the psychological mechanics of the 'letting go' part are often omitted.

I wonder if the psychological mechanics of forgiveness ('letting go') involve having empathy for the person who hurt you, with empathy being defined as compassionate understanding of what it's like to be another. Generating empathy (aka compassionate understanding) for the offender could be done by thinking about the myriad events over their lifetime that led to the offending behaviour (for example, a history of being maltreated themselves); avoid ascribing the behaviour to malicious intent. If you can generate empathy towards the offender, it can act like a balm to your emotional wound. But remember, you can't trick your mind: if you are just going through the motions of forgiving but are only interested in getting rid of your own painful feelings, it won't work.

It's also worth noting that it's well within your rights to forgive someone but refrain from restoring the relationship, if there is one to restore.