Helping teenage girls through friendship fallouts

Friendships for teenage girls are the most important things in their lives, and falling out of their friendship group is a frightening prospect. It can be hard for parents to remember just how difficult managing the social milieu of high school can be, and how to most effectively help girls cope through friendship difficulties. Some things that might be helpful to remember if your daughter finds herself in the middle of a conflict:

-Remember there are always two (or more) sides of a story, and it's highly unlikely that your daughter will be completely innocent in a friendship fallout

-Avoid taking sides. Instead of calling the other girl names (e.g. "what a cow!"), validate your daughters feelings (e.g. "That must have been so upsetting for you.")

-Help your daughter come up with a plan for how to resolve the conflict. This is important, as friendship fallouts are a crucial experience in adolescence from which we learn how to deal with conflict in any relationship. In her plan, encourage her to own up to her own mistakes, and remain respectful of others

-Avoid ripping your daughter out of her school in an attempt to rescue her, as this gives her two  unhelpful messages: 1) The answer to relationship conflict is to run away, and 2) She's not capable of solving her friendship problems. These messages are incredibly disempowering. Moreover, if she does move schools because of friendship conflicts, and they occur again at her next school, she will have very little confidence in her ability to resolve it herself, and no experience in doing so either.