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Springwood New South Wales
Australia

0451006420

Emma Pinn, an experienced clinical psychologist working in Drummoyne, New South Wales, Australia.

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Blog

Being human...

it's complicated.

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Managing fear on the cliff face

Emma Pinn

I've recently started outdoor rock climbing. What's interesting about this experience, as a psychologist who's interested in emotional responses, is the way I find myself responding to my fear while on the cliff face. It also gives me insight into what my clients might experience in anxiety treatment, as I ask them to expose themselves to their fear (exposure treatment is one of the most effective anxiety treatments, although uncomfortable). So I thought I'd write this blog post given its relevance to my anxiety treatment approach.

On the cliff face, the most frightening experience is feeling like I'm going to fall off backwards. At these moments, my fear makes me forget the super-strong equipment that keeps me safe. At these moments, instinct takes over and I feel mortal panic.

What has helped me to keep going up despite encountering moments of panic:

- Saying to myself "here is fear" when I feel fear. Naming it seems to help calm my mind, although it doesn't always make fear ease off or go away

- Thinking about people I know who've overcome immense fear and anxiety (inspires me to keep going)

- Taking a moment to slow, steady, and deepen my breathing

- Being honest with myself about how I might feel after either stopping and coming down, or continuing despite being fearful. If I give up before I feel like I've given it all I can manage in the moment, I'll feel disappointed with myself. But if I honestly feel it's too challenging, acknowledging that, at this particularly moment, it is beyond what I can cope with, and that I can try again later, helps manage any self-criticism. Acknowledging what I managed to achieve even if I stop before reaching the top also helps.

 

Beating procrastination

Emma Pinn

I've recently been editing some booklets on anxiety for an NGO, and was somewhat dismayed to observe how skilled a procrastinator I am. So I thought I'd write a blog post on a strategy I read about in Too Perfect by Mallinger and DeWyze, outlining what to do when the urge to procrastinate appears (which is most of the time when we're doing written work, let's face it). 

Step 1) When you find yourself delaying, look for those thoughts that float around in your mind and which demand perfection. These thoughts might also sound like "I can't do it well enough" or "I'm not going to do a good job". When you notice these thoughts, push back, telling yourself, "No, it's got to be completed!".

Step 2) Focus how good it feels to make progress on this task. Avoid judging whether you're doing a good piece of work. Remember that finishing on time means you can go back and review it.

Step 3) Make your time scheduling for the task realistic. Often perfectionists/procrastinators underestimate how much time they'll need, putting more pressure on themselves to get it perfect first go.

Step 4) When you find yourself getting side-tracked, slam your hand down on the desk or your thigh and say "Move!". Take a deep breath, refocus on the goal, and continue. (I particularly like this strategy - it sounds so "left-field" it just might work. But try it for yourself!)

Reference: Too Perfect: When being in control gets out of control. A. E. Mallinger & J. DeWyze. (1992), pp. 56-7

 

Teenage brats: A psychologist's response

Emma Pinn

Yesterday an article featured in the Sydney Morning Herald about entitled teens and their parents. It basically described teens having temper-tantrums, and quoted the hapless parents saying they gave their children everything and so it's all their fault. From there, some psychologists are quoted on how this generation of parents "can't say no", and that some tough love is needed. But I'm not sure how helpful this is for parents finding themselves in analogous circumstances, so I thought I'd outline some areas I'd look at if this family were clients of mine.

Most importantly though, let's acknowledge that everyone, including parents, are doing the best they can with what they have. Blaming and shaming makes people defensive at best, and depressed at worst, but what's needed here is courage to change. If we're desperate for someone to blame, chances are we'd end up going back generations, because generally speaking we inherit parenting practices (and coping styles) from our parents, who inherited it from theirs, and so on (unless we work on changing - read on). 

Based on the information in the article I refer to above, the beliefs parents hold that make them feel responsible for their children's happiness are critical. Giving their children everything they want may be driven by some of their own pain in the form of childhood memories - memories of neglect, feeling unloved, suffering from an alcoholic parent, or living in relative poverty, for example. Fear of "damaging" their kids, or just discomfort on enforcing rules and boundaries, is increasingly common (if we need our kids to be friends, setting rules is going to be a major issue). Looking at the drivers for low discipline, material indulgence, and the need to be friends with one's kids is essential. 

A child's (or teen's) emotional functioning is limited by their parents; generally children cannot function better emotionally than their parents. Identifying where the parent's emotionality is coming from (assuming it's high) is important. How parents manage their emotions, and then how their emotionality may feed into their teen's (elevated) emotions will in turn affect all members of the family; in a family unit or system, everyone's emotion levels affect the emotions of the others, directly (e.g. yelling at mum), or indirectly (e.g. mum then phones dad, and sibling feels the need to defend mum, which then leads to sibling conflict, which makes the parents more stressed, which leads dad to drink at night, which makes mum feel alone, and so on). Identifying the emotion feedback loops in the family will help the parents identify where they may be able to break the loop (e.g. Mum walks away when teen is yelling at her, then herself follows up with the teen later when both are calm). The parents themselves may be limited in responding effectively to their teen, for instance, by becoming passive-aggressive, so teaching assertive skills (often referred to as tough love) may be needed. Reducing emotionality in the household can only start with the parents.

Beyond this, setting enforceable consequences with the teen when you're all calm (e.g. removal of driving privileges or practise hours, or allowances) and carrying them out calmly may be necessary. The older the teen gets, the more negotiation will need to take place in setting consequences everyone is agreeable to.

The above approach is informed by Bowen family systems theory, cognitive-behaviour theory, and social learning theory, to name a few. The above post is not meant to be a substitute for therapy, and if you need help with the above issues, please consult a qualified professional.

 

 

Too perfect

Emma Pinn

I'm reading "Too Perfect" by Mallinger and DeWyze at the moment. The book's main focus is identifying perfectionism and other obsessive personality traits. My favourite lines from the book address perfectionists: "What genius convinced you that you should never make mistakes? Or that making mistakes proves something is wrong with you?... Who took your wonderful human qualities - your candor, spontaneity, your vulnerability, creativity and openness - and convinced you that anything else could ever be more valuable or lovable?" 

What excellent advice. Fear of mistakes and rejection, and an intense need for security and control, are all bound up in perfectionism. Perfectionism is not a good thing - it's neither adaptive nor helpful in achieving life goals; it paralyses out of fear of error, defeating and demoralising through ubiquitously unattainable standards.

If you struggle with perfectionism I strongly recommend the above book. And a good therapist.

Self-harm

Emma Pinn

The statistics on self-harm are alarming - around 40% of adolescents will self-harm at some point or other. The good news is that most adolescents only do it a small number of times. However, for some people it can become chronic and severe. It's important to remember that self-harm is a behaviour, not a disorder, and that people who self-harm may or may not have a diagnosable mental health condition.

Some reasons why people self-harm include:

- To get relief from psychological pain, such as anxiety, sadness, agitation

- To feel something: Some people report feeling numb or nothing and finding this distressing, and use self-harm to feel something (i.e. physical pain)

- To punish: Everyone has an inner self-critic, but for some people self-critical thoughts are overwhelming; self-harming can be a way to reduce guilt, shame, and self-loathing

- To communicate: Emotional pain is invisible. Sometimes self-harm will be done on a visible place on the body in an effort to turn emotional pain into something that can be seen. Self-harming for this reason may be more common in families where feelings and emotions aren't discussed or considered a weakness

- For individual reasons: Self-harm may become a marker of identity, a rite of passage in some adolescent social groups, or a symbol of being part of a group

It's important to understand that self-harm is different to wanting to die, and that many people who self-harm aren't suicidal.

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) is an evidence-based therapy with proven effectiveness in reducing self-harm, and many psychologists are trained in providing DBT. 

If you have concerns about someone self-harming, you can phone the NSW Mental Health Line on 1800 011 511.

So how does therapy work?

Emma Pinn

Ultimately people come to therapy to feel better. And the way we do this (in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) is generally by changing our thoughts and our behaviour. Our thoughts and interpretations of the world are central to how we feel, although therapy isn't about positive thinking, but rather rational thinking. Part of the therapeutic process for many people is to look at the evidence for thoughts that make them anxious, angry, sad, etc, and to challenge them. One way of challenging our thoughts is by changing our behaviour. To take a simple example, if I had a fear of being assertive, I would gradually start to increase assertive behaviours, and from this, most probably learn that there's not much to fear in being assertive. The hard part of this is managing the discomfort (anxiety) that I'd feel on acting assertively, but unfortunately facing fears is essential in truly overcoming them.

It's important to note that therapy is a collaborative process where client and therapist work together, and that clients have real input into the therapeutic process. Your therapist should give you an explanation of therapeutic techniques that would be suitable for your issue, and work with you to develop a treatment plan that you're comfortable with.