Severe weather phobia

The recent severe thunderstorms that have hit Sydney make me wonder about the impact of severe storm events on people. Phobias about natural events including storms are so common that they're recognised as a type of phobia in the DSM-V, psychiatry's "bible". 

So how do we develop a phobia about the weather and storms? They typically develop after either having a very frightening experience (in a storm), or vicariously. Phobias developed vicariously are learnt from observing fear in others. For instance, if a child's parents fear thunderstorms and as a result take excessive precautions such as unplugging all electrical equipment and herding the family into the hallway during a storm, chances are that the kids will develop a fear of storms too.

If a phobia of the weather is taking control of your life, cognitive-behaviour therapy (CBT) has been shown to be an effective treatment for children and adults. 

The importance of fathers

I recently attended a seminar on fathers that discussed the impact fathers have on their children. Many fathers may not be aware of the important role they play in their child’s life, both in childhood and beyond. For instance, research suggests fathers serve as a template for their child’s relationships to authority figures, and for girls, close relationships with men. In addition, a good relationship between father and daughter has been shown to help guard his daughter against premature sexualisation. In other words, adolescent girls who are close to their dads generally engage later in sexualised behaviours (e.g. wearing revealing clothing and heavy make-up, or becoming sexually active) than girls who aren’t close to their dads.

Emotional closeness with fathers (i.e. children being able to share their emotions with their father, and receiving validation from them) is incredibly important to a child’s wellbeing. Research suggests that enabling children to talk about their emotions with their fathers is much more important for separated families than fathers providing a fun time for the kids each visit. 

As well as having the capacity to do great good in their children’s lives, fathers also have the capacity to do ill. Children in regular contact with fathers who display anti-social behaviour are at high risk of emulating that behaviour. And if fathers are abusive towards their child’s mother, sons will learn this behaviour, and daughters are more likely to accept this behaviour towards themselves from men.

So, if I could summarise what I learned from this seminar to take away it would be, Fathers, take a little bit of time regularly (20 minutes a week) just to talk with, and listen to, your child so that they can tell you what’s happening in their lives, and receive your support and understanding.

Exercise: Mental health's "apple"

The mental health equivalent to medicine's, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" could translate to something like, "Exercise each day keeps psychological problems away". It might sound a bit naff, but the benefits of exercise for mental health are well supported by empirical evidence.

Exercise releases endorphins ('feel-good' hormones), helps clear our minds, improves sleep, makes us feel better about ourselves, and has been shown to ameliorate depression. Research presented by the Black Dog Institute suggests that exercising for 30 minutes, 6 days a week, can be as effective as mild anti-depressant medication. Don't believe me? Try it. Exercise 6 days out and 7 at a moderate intensity (i.e. sweating and getting your heart rate up), and then rate your mood at the end of that week on a scale from 0 to 8. Then have a typical week (i.e. without exercising nearly everyday) and rate your mood again. 

If you're finding it hard to motivate yourself to exercise at all, modify your exercise goals to make them achievable. Exercise, even if it's only very gentle and for short periods, is better than avoiding it all together.

What makes someone attractive?

What is it that makes us like one person and dislike another? Research has shown that out of a list of over 500 personality traits sincerity, trustworthiness, loyalty, and dependability were highly desirable. Traits of personal warmth and competence were also found to be highly attractive.

People who display personal warmth do this by having a positive outlook - they will talk about things they like, and will praise others. They generally have a positive attitude towards events happening around them, and to other people. Personal warmth can also be displayed through facial expressions (e.g. smiling), being attentive to others, and expressing emotions. In contrast, coldness is often perceived when people express dislike or disapproval of things or people. 

Competence (e.g. being a good conversationalist, skilful at a particular task, or highly knowledgable about certain topics) has also been found to be attractive. However, if someone appears too 'perfect' the effect wanes and they become less likeable. It seems that when someone appears too perfect, others start to feel uncomfortable or inadequate around them.

When we suffer from mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, it can be difficult to feel comfortable enough around others to be ourselves and express who we are freely. Reducing anxious and depressive symptoms is important for both ourselves and our relationships. If you suffer from mental health problems such as anxiety and depression, speak to your GP about getting the help and support you need.

Are you a people-pleaser?

If you're a people-pleaser, you'll probably:

• Find yourself worrying more than most about what other people think of you
• Try to ensure that you don't upset anyone
• Try to be liked by everyone
• Avoid saying anything controversial
• Put your needs after everyone else's

I should note that people-pleasing isn't all bad news: It can be very helpful to get along well with others. However, if we become overly concerned about pleasing others, it can be a pathway to anxiety and depression. This might also sound strange, but if we become accustomed to always pleasing others, we never get the chance to learn that it's not catastrophic when we do sometimes upset or offend someone.

If you think you need to reduce your people-pleasing tendencies, here are a few ideas to help you behave in a way that's a little less 'pleasing':

• Experiment with being slightly more assertive than usual, e.g. clearly stating your preferences for an activity on the weekend, or a TV show you want to watch, or a place you want to eat at for dinner
• Say 'no' to requests sometimes
• Tell someone when you disagree with them

I should point out that I'm not advocating unnecessary conflict. However, it's important for your own wellbeing that keeping everyone else happy doesn't become your main mission in life.

Porn: Is it your problem?

Most people have looked at porn, and many people look at porn regardless of whether they're single or in a relationship. Most people don't report it causing problems when viewing it relatively regularly. However, porn use can become a problem, and signs that it might be include:

Looking at porn as a way of distracting yourself from significant psychological problems such as depression, emotional pain, despair, intrusive thoughts, and anxiety

It becomes increasingly difficult to become sexually aroused by normal sex and by real partners as opposed to porn stars and fantasies

Sex acts depicted in porn, and that your partner feels uncomfortable with, are the only ones you're really interested in anymore

It takes longer and longer to find porn that is exciting to you

If porn is a problem for you, it can be very difficult to seek help due to embarrassment and shame. So it may help to know that problems with porn are becoming increasingly common, and are recognised by many psychologists and mental health professionals. If you're unsure of whether you need help, online self-assessment measures or discussion forums may help make the issue clearer for you. The Centre for Healthy Sex could be a helpful site to start with.